The Evils of Passive Voice

I think at one point or another, some businessman or lawyer decided passive voice makes someone sound like they know what they are talking about.

“You will be arrested by the officer should you violate the terms of the agreement.”

“This task needs to be completed by you. It will not be done by someone else.”

For those of you who don’t know what passive voice is, it is when what should be the subject of a sentence becomes the object. For example:

The grass on the hills was blown by the wind and it rippled like the water in a pond.

In this sentence, if it were phrased in active voice, “the wind” should be the subject, and “the grass” should be the object, and the sentence should read as follows:

The wind blew the grass on the hills, and it rippled like the water in a pond.

Wow, so now the sentence is shorter, sounds better, and it is clearer to the reader exactly who is doing what. Now passive voice is not always wrong, but nine times out of ten, you’d be better off without it. Some people are better at naturally eliminating it than others. But if you eliminate the majority of passive voice in your writing, I can guarantee you it will immediately sound stronger.

This is one of those things where, although there is not one particular way to write so that your writing will be considered (there’s the good old passive voice finding its way into my writing) good, pretty much anyone can benefit from the elimination of passive voice. Especially if you’re relatively new to the writing scene, I highly recommend you review some pieces of your writing with a marker and circle any places where the passive voice appears. A good indicator of passive voice is the word “by”, although this is not always the case (as shown in this paragraph), and sometimes passive voice can be sneaky. But it’s your job to polish your piece to the best of your ability, and that includes the obliteration (maybe that’s an extreme word, maybe) of passive voice from your work.

Don't agree with me? Have something to contribute? Please comment below. I welcome any criticism as well as discussion.

Sight Should be the Least Important Sense

Oftentimes, when referring to description, we hear the phrase “word pictures”. Personally, I’m not a fan of these so called word pictures. The problem with painting word pictures is that a picture is very two dimensional. You can’t hear the birds chirping in the snapshot of Aunt Margie’s party, nor can you smell the burgers burning on the grill dad forgot to flip again. Word pictures only tell you what you’re seeing.

I prefer to create word experiences. When you step into my story, you’re not walking into a museum, hundreds of years removed from the events being depicted, no sir. I bring you into a time machine and bring you to the Civil War, not just lecture to you about it and show you some pictures and soldier’s uniforms. Let’s take an example. The first one is a word picture.

Bruce strode into the parlor, and Jack was just behind him. Jack shut the door behind them. Bruce stared in awe at the massive room before them. A statue of Jack’s great grandfather stood front and center, reaching towards the ceiling with one hand, and a sword pointed casually towards the ground in the other. Every wall was covered floor to ceiling in paintings, photos, and awards honoring the late Captain Archibald Smith.

Bruce inched towards the statue and stepped onto the thick, plush carpet, which covered every inch of the floor, as well as the two spiral staircases on either side of the imposing statue. Several small tables leaned against the walls, and upon each one stood an ornate crystal vase filled with roses, carnations, and tiger lilies. A chandelier, whose splendor went unparalleled, coruscated as it hung from the wood paneled ceiling. So many doors were there in the room that Bruce felt he could spend days exploring the house.

Yes, perhaps that was an extreme example of a word picture, and I daresay most people would not go that far, but it gives you an idea of how many writers think they are supposed to write. Now most people do not care about all of those ridiculous details, and much prefer if you note a couple of key details instead of rambling on about the cracks in the walls and crumbs on the floor beside the bobby pin which fell from Jane’s head. Here is an example of a word experience:

Bruce strode into the massive parlor with Jack at his heels. Before them stood a statue of Jack’s great grandfather, whose one arm reached for the chandelier on the ceiling, and whose other casually held a sword. Entranced by the statue, Bruce ran his fingers along the side of the figure. It was as smooth as marble and flawlessly sculpted.

Then Bruce heard the clattering of pots and pans in the other room, followed by the warm smell of boiling potatoes and freshly baked cinnamon buns. Jack’s mother called them for dinner, and the two boys headed for the door between the two spiral staircases.

Sure, I could have spent more time, thought of better similes or more appropriate descriptors, but that’s not the point. The point is, not only is the second scene shorter, but more events occur, and it’s more specific. No one cares about the wood panels, the portraits, the tables, vases, etc. Pick one, maybe two key things and focus on them. In these scene, Bruce notices the statue, and so that is the focus of the scene. Also, I bring in smell, hearing, and Bruce touches the statue. In this way, you’re experiencing what Bruce experiences, not studying the photo someone took of Jack’s parlor.

If you only get two things from this article, it should be this:

1.      Focus on specific, weird details instead of pointing out the innumerable obvious details.

2.      Sight should be last on the list when it comes to description.

Don’t agree with me? Have something to contribute? Please comment below. I’d love to hear from fellow writers or aspiring writers, or anyone who’s interested in this topic.